Joker's thread.......

[teng]

Here are a few jokes i came up with . Might be lame or funny . Haha .

A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. 'You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too.

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seat trouble

The rather broad lady showed up at the theatre just before the performance started and handed the usher two tickets.

"Where's the other party?" asked the usher.

"Well," said the lady, with a blush, "one seat is a little small for me and rather uncomfortable so I bought two. But they're both really for me."

"Okay with me, lady," the usher replied, scratching his head., "There's just one problem. Your seats are numbers 51 and 63."

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A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Judy, pack up your things! I just won the New York lottery!"

Judy replies, "Should I pack for warm weather or cold?"

The man responds, "I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!"

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A little boy answers the ring of the doorbell, then runs to his father.

"Daddy," the boy says, "there's a man at the door who says he is taking up a collection for a community swimming pool."

"Okay, son," his father says. "Give him a glass of water."

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At a picnic for a Catholic school, the Mother Superior stacked a pile of apples on one end of a table with a sign saying: "Take only one apple please -- remember, God is watching." At the other end of the table, there was a large pile of delicious chocolate cookies, on which a third grade student had placed a sign saying: "Take all the cookies you want -- God is watching the apples."

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thats about it ;D ;D

[Smurfy]

<<Correct way to ask for permission>>

Jack and Max are walking from religious service.

Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.

Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?" So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I smoke while I pray?"

The Priest replies, "No, my son, you may not! That's utter disrespect to our religion."

Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.

Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."

And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I pray while I smoke?"

To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means. You can always pray whenever you want to."

Moral of the story is: The reply you get depends on the question you ask.

For an Example, if you want a vacation when still working on a project, don't ask for the holiday; just ask: "Can I keep working on this project while I'm on vacation?" ;D

[kimmy]

here is mine ,

today ah ming want to buy biscuit, than he went to an indians shop and buy biscuit. when he see the biscuit in the tin . he see got round biscuit n square biscuit . than the indians people say one word of indians word . y ah ming want to take the square biscuit but dun wan to take the round biscuit ?

[kimmy]

anyone know why ?

[kimmy]

b cuzz the indians people say ( yuan de bu nen na )

so the ah ming think the indians people say yuan de bu nen na mah so he dun take the round want biscuit he take the square biscuit loh.

[kimmy]

hehehehehehehehehe

[yume]

All the jokes here are nice...

I particularly like Teng and Smurfy's. ;D

[teng]

teehee . thanx yumi

[Smurfy]

Apprentice (Local version)
-----------------------------------

Seorang CEO ingin mencari eksekutif baru dalam syarikatnya. Dari beribu permohonan, hanya empat yang akhirnya terpilih dalam senarai dia.Bagaimanapun beliau tidak dapat memilih antara keempat-empat orang calon tersebut, lantas memanggil kesemuanya untuk ditemuduga.

Setelah keempat-empat calon berada di hadapan beliau, CEO tadi pun mula berkata, "Saya ada satu soalan yang mungkin memberi jawapan berbeza, calon yang memberikan jawapan terbaik akan diterima untuk bekerja di sini."

"Soalannya adalah apakah perkara atau benda yang paling pantas sekali?" tanya CEO tersebut.

Calon pertama berkata, "FIKIRAN! kerana kadang ianya datang sendiri tanpa kita sedari."

"OK... not bad! satu jawapan yang baik!" kata CEO tadi.

"And how about you?" tanyanya kepada calon kedua.

"KELIP MATA, kerana tanpa kita sedari, sebelum sempat kita buat apa pun, mata kita dah berkelip." jawab calon kedua.

"Cool..... lagipun perumpamaan melayu pun ada sebut SEKELIP MATA melambangkan kepantasan," kata CEO itu.

"And is your turn now." tanya CEO kepada calon ketiga.

"Kalau kita tengok, lampu KLCC dihidupkan dengan pantas walaupun bangunan tu tinggi. Oleh itu, saya rasa MENGHIDUPKAN LAMPU adalah paling pantas," jawab calon ketiga. " (Jawapan yang terhebat setakat ni)

"Last but not least i wanna hear from you" CEO itu terus mengusulkan soalan kepada calon keempat dengan merasakan calon ketiga hampir pasti menjadi eksekutif baru di syarikatnya dengan jawapan yang sangat bagus sebentar tadi.

"Setelah diteliti semua jawapan daripada calon-calon sebelum saya ni tadi, saya rasa perkara yang paling pantas sekali adalah CIRIT-BIRIT," jawab calon keempat dengan yakin sekali.

"Haaa...? What? CIRIT-BIRIT? My dear friend, kamu ni tak serius langsung, macam mana kamu boleh minta kerja dengan syarikat saya ni?" CEO terkejut dengan jawapan
calon keempat tadi.

"Begini tuan, malam kelmarin saya terjaga di tengah malam dengan rasa sakit perut yang amat sangat. Belum sempat saya nak FIKIR, KELIP MATA atau MENGHIDUPKAN LAMPU, benda tu dah terkeluar dah.............."

Akhirnya, calon keempat diterima menjadi eksekutif baru syarikat berkenaan..............

;D

[:: mei Lin ::]

hahahaha smurfy, good one there!

[agentpink]

hahahaha..funny la..laugh till i 4get my sejarah d..hahaha

[agentpink]

smurfy said:

What I learned from Noah's Ark:

ONE: Don't miss the boat!

TWO: Remember that we are all in the same boat.

THREE: Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.

FOUR: Stay fit. When you're 60 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.

FIVE: Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.

SIX: When you're stressed, float awhile.

SEVEN: Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.

EIGHT: Build your future home only on high ground.

NINE: Imagine: The Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.

TEN: Remember! For safety's sake, always go travel in pairs. ;D ;D ;D

tak berapa faham ini..

[Smurfy]

agentpink said:

tak berapa faham ini..

FYI.....

[genie]

wad is FYI ??
not so understand here... blur...

[yume]

FYI = for your information

Nice one, Smurfy!